Kelly, I Am Going To Miss You So Much.

I know right now, as I am composing this, that it is probably never going to end up turning out as well as I want it to. It is probably not going to cover half of what I want to discuss and be filled with many partially fullfilled thoughts: an assortment of multiple emotional fragments laced with typos. I realize that so much is going through my brain right now that I am in no frame of mind to even begin making a post about this but at the same time, I feel that I need to write. I sit here punching the keys on my IMAC in order to even attempt to..... Well, I am not even sure what my intentions are but all I do know is that I need to remember Kelly right now and what a great person he was.

Steve called me this evening with some horrible news. He told me that our friend and college advisor, Dr. Kelly Fisher Lowe had passed away this weekend. As soon as I heard, I just started sobbing uncontrollably. I was not as close to him as Steve was but it still hit me like a hard sucker punch to the stomach. I wanted to throw up and not in the metaphorical sense, but in the literal way. A man in his early 40s should not be gone. I still cannot make any sense of it, or even begin to imagine what his family is going through right now as I am writing this.

It is pretty weird because when my phone rang and lit up the name "Edgehouse" on the id, I got the gut feeling that something was just very wrong and bad. Usually Steve and I typically stay in playful contact via blog comments and creative texts. When I saw the number on my phone, I responded to the company that I was with that "this can't be good." I sort of just felt it in my gut. Instinct told me leave the crowded and noisey eatery and call Steve back in the car. When walking to the car, the tone of Steve's message on the vm just confirmed my suspicions. Whatever he had to tell me was going to hurt. I was going to hurt bad. I am glad I went to the parking lot and got in my car before talking to Steve because at least then only a few passer byers would see my crying uncontrollably and not a whole restaraunt of people. However, as best as I tried to regain my composure, I totally lost it once again when I rentered. But that's okay, to hell with what everybody in that place may have thought as they saw tears running down my face. They did not know what a great man Kelly was. And you know what, if I would have talked to them all for about 5 to 10 mins about him they would've wished they had gotten a chance to be touched by him in some way.

I have so many great memories of Kelly that like I said earlier, I know this post will not even start to cover half of the credit that he deserves for influencing my world. But hell, thinking about him, even though it is still making my eyes moisture up as we speak, does make me further appreciate how wonderful of a teacher and person he was.

Kelly was the first faculty member that I met at Mount Union. I met him, with Eve on his lap, at a Preview session during July 97. I spoke with him about the Writing major program and the upcoming writing classes that I was going to take come fall. I remember that he made me feel relaxed and confident about my choice of major. This was reassuring to me because like most incoming frosh, I was aprehensive about mostly everything. He also spoke with me briefly about the working in the writing center with him. He had confidence that I would be a good fit since I tested and "portfolioed" into the Honors College Writing Class. Wow, a teacher that put me at ease and had confidence in me..... I could tell that we were going to be more than advisor/student. I could tell that we were going to be friends.

Throughout my four years at Mount I took as many classes that I could with Kelly. Some of the favorites that I remember off hand were, Sport & American Culture, Creative Nonfiction and my Senior Culmin. Experience. In addittion, he was the best employer that I ever had the opportunity to work for when he was director of the Mount Union Writing Center. He let me be student director of the EH100I program the first year it was put into action. The experince that I had with that, working one-on-one with a select group of students througout the semester, left a postive engravement on my tutoring memories. The most fun I had with Kelly was when a group of us traveled to the National Writing Centers Association conference in Baltimore during my senior year in 2001. I fondly recall listening to Ben Folds 5 (when they went by that name) and Dennis Miller comedy cds on the way there. I also remember us feaverishly sculpting together our presentation on how the physical size of writing centers influences the learning habits/retention levels of students while we hovered around a table at a a retro 1950s style Dennys located a stone's throw away from our hotel. Our presentation actually ended up coming together quite neatly and we celebrated the day after at the big party wrap up celebration. Yes, nothing like a few hundred MLA skilled nerds bustin a move while drinkin a few imports. I got some great picts of the gang that night. It feels like it was just last week instead of almost 7 years ago.

Post college, I still kept my ties with Kelly. Even though I no longer had the option of listening in his class or swinigng by his office while he was listening to various cds, email made it possible to keep in touch. God bless the information super highway that allowed me still touch base with my fav. college prof even though he moved clear across the USA. Most students graduate and don't even think twice about their advisors as they jump out into their life after college. I knew that was not going to be the case with me and my mentor.

Kelly has helped me out in so many ways after ungrad. He not only assisted me with various grad school rec. letters but also with pedagogy advice at many different times during my teaching experience (as brief as it has been so far). I remember when I was planning the syllabus for my first college class, Kelly was the first person I called upon for adivice and he responded, as I naturally expected, with quick and insightful/very useful comments. I appreciated this because once again, like that first time that I met him in the summer of 1997, he put me at ease about my abilities and made me feel more confident about the challenges I had ahead of me going into new territory.

Kelly was the reason I wanted to become a college teacher. His personal style of teaching and desire to see students succeed captivated me both as one of his own students and as an apprentice eagerly attempting to learn the craft. I aspire to some day be half as successful as he was as an educator. He is also one of the main reasons why I continue to make the time, even though I tend to go in odd spurts, to write. Seeing the success he has had with numerous academic papers, the Alliance Hospital book and the Zappa novel encouraged me to continue in the craft. And even though I can't hold a flame to his style, I still have a passion for writing and aim for continuous growth and awareness, even though at times my level of overall improvement may be very minor.

I am so thankful that I had the chance, even though it was just for under ten years, to be influenced by Dr. Kelly Lowe. Kelly, you helped me in ways that you probably never even knew. I raise my glass to you and my heart fills with gratitude for everything you have assisted me with throughout my life. My deepest sympathy is with your family during this time.

Thanks K-Lowe. I love you.