When You Are Finally Ready To Admit That There Needs To Be A Change

These past two weeks have been stressful for me and I have not been in my usual spirits. Throw the extra additive of pms in there and then you have a dangerous mixture. For the past two and a half weeks I had to work a co-workers desk while she took a much deserved vacation to Florida with her family. Our department was recently consolidated a few sort months ago so alot of us are still learning all the ropes. Before I even took over her desk I had major anxiety issues because I knew that my overall knowledge still had alot of holes and I also was aware that she had the busiest desk in the department. Everyday I faced a new challenge and soon learned that the branches that my co-worker tended to posed the oddest and difficult questions to be answered. My co-workers helped me out alot during the time that I tended to her desk yet I still was constantly worrying and would get upset if I could not immediately solve an issue.

This made me realize (well, not so much realize as enforce) that I have unfortunately inherited two of my parents' worst traits. My mom, even though she has the ability to talk to anyone and never really have a phobia of meeting new people is also a constant worrier. She worries not only about herself and loved ones but also events and people that have no real impact on her life. I always harp on her for biting her nails and worrying her stomach sick but I now know that I do the same. I have discovered that running has helped me relive alot of my anxiety but unfortunately I have not been able to do alot of that over the past 2 weeks do to a leg injury. I need to learn to take things one step at a time instead of looking at the huge picture and freaking out about how everything is going to get solved in one grand swoop.

My dad is a pretty happy and easy going guy with a finely tuned sense of sarcasm. Both my mom and brother claim that he mellowed out alot after having a daughter and I like to believe that helped his attitude even more. However, my dad also has a bad anger streak. Now we both share the same stupid habit of smashing or kicking walls or doors (as I learned from going postal on a steering wheel and bathroom door recently). I am not really sure why we do this. Maybe it is just that we have the immediate need to release our energy and violent actions seem like the easiest of ways. I know this is not really a productive way and I am really going to start to look into some deep breathing exercises or calming mediation methods.